All of God's children got shoes

"I got a shoe, you got a shoe.
All of God’s children got shoes."


Yes kids, I know it’s been too long since I last wrote a coherent blog. Blame the endorphins. You see, I’ve found a new addiction. The cool kids call it “exercise”. I’m addicted to it like crack. It’s sad really. I’ve gone from years of sedentary practice to actually looking forward to sweating on the treadmill. It must be the threat of impending old age.

It hasn’t come cheap though. I had to go out and buy a new pair of sneakers. I believe my first car may have been less expensive and was good for more miles. The shoes came with the information that you should purchase new ones in 500 miles. I first thought that I was golden until say 2015. Then the addiction set in, and I’m looking at new ones in late summer. Who knew that sneakers have a shorter life span than a Firestone Winterforce tire? I guess the vintage Chucks in my closet (circa ’82) will have to go away. Sad. Nothing says style and class like orange high-tops.

Since the high-tops were out, I had to buy an ipod. (It’s import to look cool and trendy while you sweat.) Handy little tool. I’m now re-learning French via free podcasts. However, I made two grave mistakes during my first few weeks with the device. First, I was listening to the Prairie Home Companion joke show (also a free podcast) while on the treadmill. I laughed so hard I pulled my towel off the machine and it fell to the belt and shot off the back of the treadmill like a rocket. (I’m sure the wall mirror will be replaced soon. )I also developed two playlists, one for warm-up and one for exercising. Just for the record, “I’m so excited” is NOT a warm-up tune. I nearly sprained something trying frantically to row to the beat of that song. (WARNING! The ipod can also be used as a strangulation device should the wires get caught in the arms of the CyclePlus machine. Not that I would know from personal experience… I’ve just heard that.)

Thankfully, there are many other people exercising who are in worse shape than me. I’m sure of it, even though I haven’t seen any yet. Last week while doing an incredibly tough arm push-up maneuver, (I’m sure there are real names for these exercises, but “tough arm push-up maneuver” should at least bring SOME image to mind) complete with stressful facial expression and grunting, I turn casually to look over to the person next to me, and make a friendly greeting. There was a kindly, gray haired, old woman …lifting more than 3 times what I was. I was humiliated. She was in her 80’s, pushing 110 pounds up over her head. I was screaming like a girl, fearful of snapping my arms off like Mr. Potato Head, pushing only 30 pounds. I am freakishly weak for my looks.

The good news, you ask? Well, as of last night I’ve lost 9 inches and several pounds. If current measurements bear out, I’ll resemble a snowman by fall, since I seem to be losing weight in my legs and wrists. (Fat wrists...another description to write down in my “humiliating things about myself” book.) Okay, and there’s the fact that I can walk up a flight of stairs without collapsing. It’s a good start. Of course if I had new shoes….