Pans of Biscuits

It's pans of biscuits, bowls of gravy,
Pans of biscuits we shall have.*


Yeah, well this whole “have a subject or a theme and write about that every week” isn’t working. Time creeps up and then before you know it, the two people who read your blog are emailing you wondering why you’re not writing, and life gets in the way. In homage to Peter King, you get 10 Things I Think:

1) Fast food service has declined tremendously in the last few years. (Someday I’ll write about the fish sandwich incident. Not now, I’d hate to drudge up bad memories.) Drive up attendants never say “thank you” anymore, and you’ve got less than a twenty percent chance that your special order will be right. Why is that?

2) People as a whole are more violent than they were 20 years ago, no doubt because they’re angry at the bad service they’re getting at Burger Doodle. (Or is it Tragedy of the Commons, anyone?) When I was in school, when the football team won a big game, goal posts were torn down. Now, win or lose, a couch-burning riot breaks out. Perhaps the furniture makers are behind this trend.

3) Cranberry sauce as a staple for Thanksgiving is over-rated. Does anyone notice how it resembles bloody congealed fat? Who started the “get it out of the can without scraping it thing anyway.” I’ve never seen anyone wowed by the sight of a can shaped cranberry sauce. Did the Pilgrims really have Ocean Spray anyway?

4) The fact that frosted Poptarts have fewer calories than plain Poptarts bothers me. It seems counter intuitive, and I believe it’s part of a vast food conspiracy. However, it does provide me a good reason to keep eating the frosted ones. Besides, they taste better.

5) Reality tv bores me. Why pay for cable to see “real world” scenarios when I just need to look around at work, at the doctors office or even the pie store. Why just today two women nearly came to fisticuffs over a French Silk Pie, and I wasn’t even near my tv. Just imagine what could happen over a Key Lime Pie!

6) Christmas shopping is difficult when you’re a little ADD. I buy one thing for other people, and then see something that interests me, and I forget why I’m shopping. I need focus…or a personal shopper, or perhaps sedation. Any volunteers? (for the shopping, not the drugs.)

7) We all have different drivers. Some people need to succeed to feel powerful. Other people need to feel successful at work in order to overcome a loss of control in their personal life. Some people live their lives wanting to be other people and lead lives other than their own. I’m glad I’m not one of them. I like my life and where I am. I want all my friends to be as happy as me. Do you think McDonald’s gift certificates would do it?

8) The 80’s had some great music. Who can listen to “Hey Mickey” and not want to join the cheerleading club. Okay, scratch that. At least there’s Culture Club. Who doesn’t want to be Boy George…nevermind. I still want to be the drummer for Blondie. Of course, I don’t own red high top sneakers. Mine were orange.

9) Blogging is a viscous cycle. You feel no one reads your blog, so you quit writing. You quit writing, and people stop reading. Hard to get them back. So why do it? At some point you either come to the conclusion that you’re writing for yourself, or you’re doing to please other people. (Validation is such a wonderful thing.) I haven’t decided yet. Well, actually I have, but I’m not telling you.

10) Life is good. Despite my complaints about food service, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I miss my peeps, but the occasional get together makes us all feel better. (Except Shanny, and we’re working on that.)

Bonus:

11) Exploded biscuit dough is gross. Especially when it’s moldy, and oozing through the grates in your refrigerator. If you have unexploded biscuits in your fridge, cook them now before it’s too late! This promotional message brought to you by the “Society to Prevent Exploded Dough Accidents.”

*Hedy West, Whores, Hell and Biscuits