Hard Lovin' Loser

“He's got them taking off their heels, and they like the way he feels
And they call him a carnival clown.” *


Ah, the Olympics! I, like many patriotic others, have abandoned my local cable fare for a few days of Olympic glory. I’ve forsaken my design shows, abandoned my BBC, and applied my full attention to “Torino”. I even *gasp* watched an entire hour of curling. I don’t understand it anymore than I did before, but I watched it. Granted, I am not one for figure skating, or ice dancing or any of vast myriad of “pretty” sports. I like a good competition with some action and edginess thrown in, and certainly not an activity where subjectivity and sequins reign. If I wanted that kind of drama, I’d watch Project Runway with a chaser of Dancing with the Stars. I applaud the Olympic committee for embracing the “misfit” sport of snowboarding. This is the only marginally dangerous sport I would indulge in my advanced age. If not for the looming potential orthopedic reconstruction fees, I’d be out on the slopes in snowboardcross. Who knows, I could be the Anne “Grandma Luge” Abernathy of the snow boarding set. We’ll now overlook that Columbus, Ohio really doesn’t have anything that could be defined as “slopes”.

But realistically, I don’t have the discipline or desire to commit myself to the routine of the Olympic athlete. I don’t like the structure of the weekly trash take-out, so I could never live with the 2 or 3 a day workouts. Besides, I have a Master Card, not a Visa, so the commercials would pose a moral problem for me. I'll have to be content to watch at home. Enter Bode Miller. For the one or two of you rock-dwellers who don’t know who he is, check your local newspaper or Sports Illustrated web site. He’s a brilliantly talented skier with one really bad attitude. Even if you overlook his 60 Minutes interview about “skiing while wasted”, you get a sense that he just doesn’t care.

I really wanted to like him. I’ve been known to be a maverick (though unlike my friend Ericka, I never actually sported purple hair…I just supported those who did). I would stand in support of any athlete who condemns conformity on the sake of principle and practices their right to individuality. Except for the Olympics. The US sends a TEAM to Turin. You’re sent there to represent the country, not your own individual values. Before you stone me for not crying that he IS being American because he refuses to conform, hear me out. He has said to the press things like “and as an athlete you can't underestimate the importance of proper rest and nutrition. Those are 50 times more important than any training you do.” Yet, the night before his big run he’s out partying and drinking ‘til midnight. You don’t have to be an Olympic judge to deem that as the antithesis of “proper rest and nutrition”. It is not our standards he is not conforming to, it is his own.

He has blamed the fans and media for applying too much pressure to win on his “pure sport”.
Note to Bode: Those fans and media writers have made you a millionaire. If you don’t want the pressure, I’m sure the sponsors would like their money back. I don’t hear other Olympic athletes complaining, and I’m sure there are countries that would love to have a trailer of skis available and a staff to wax them. Try skiing your “pure sport” without all the support you’ve had until now.

You mentioned to an Italian newspaper asking about your trouble on the slopes, “As soon as you start having millions of dollars, you literally don’t any longer have money as a motivating force, unless you just simply try to continue to acquire more and more of it.” There’s always a worthy charity if you find financial security to be so cumbersome. I don’t pity you Bode, and remember when I mentioned that I don’t have the discipline to become an Olympic athlete? Apparently you don’t either. We want our Olympians to be heroes, and you’re no hero. You’re just like us, undisciplined, immature and too cowardly to handle pressure without a beer in our hand. We’re back in America watching the Olympics, which is where you should be. Leave the competition for the heroes, and join us in the bars. You’ll be more comfortable there.


*Try Judy Collins on the album In My Life